Dementia.

You probably think I'm lying about the timestamp on these entries, but I'm not.

Truthfully, I dont like staying up this late, wating my energy on meaningless things, but I do it anyways; proof that I'm still one step ahead of the crowd. It assures me that I am a contridiction to nature and anything that advises me. Maybe it's taken my youth away, and some of my stature, but I was never too well built in the first place.

Pneumonia is going to settle in sometime soon and I will be the youngest person ever to die of old age which btw, has not been used as an actual cause of death since, 198- something.

A contradiction that you get to be weak in life and still survive.
The damsel in distress never wins.
What if disney was more realistic?
The guy would never get the girl.
Everything would be a constant ironic tragedy.
Wouldnt it be nice if everyone were a bit more realistic.
Even a tad?

I am an old, tired girl.
Tired of dreaming of rescue
Tired of being told that I could do anything
Tired of losing constantly in repitition.
Hey, maybe I'll give up.

Because in reality:
No one loves the damsel in distress.
No one loves the drama queen.
No one loves the cute child.
It's all just an act.

Life is a game.
It's a game of chance and risk.
It's a game of all or nothing.
It's a game where everyone else is cheating.
And you dont get lucky.

Nothing happens when you wish.
I'm sick of their dreams.
I'm sick of their magic and friendships.
I'm sick of their lives.
I'm sick and tired of being beat down.

Maybe, I'll run somewhere and cry.
Not now, but later.
Somewhere there is a spot with my name on it.
A place reserved for the broken heart
of this wallflower;
pushed down into the ground
only seconds after it bloomed
by the sadistic power
of teenage idiocy.

This is what they call adolesence?
I've been experiencing this all my life.

What am I supposed to do?
Where am I supposed to run,
when the world so openly rejects me?
Who is there?

No one and nothing.
But this should be normal.
It's only been my entire life
that i've tried to dream
and make friends
and magic my way out of here.

It's only been my whole life
I've acted for an empty audience.

It's never really occured to me...
There's nothing where my heart used to be.
Just a small wormhole,
draining my life.

Everything is normal.
The guys are still crude.
My friends still are awkward.
Love is never mutual.
Parents dont understand.
Everything is normal,

just like the rain outside the window.

The non existant life i live,
fufills my heart
temorarily.
But I'm still trying so very hard, not to cry.

The rain had never sounded more sorrowful.
A pink blur was created as I clacked my heels,
wishing I had fairy wings,
and that disney wasnt just a demented man
with a pencil and sketchpad at hand.

-Juliet