Half a year left.

Its only half a year until we go.
The parting of the ways.
And I will try to shut up until that time comes.
Because, I can anticiapate everything. This is why I hate being me. I anticipate everything bad. I map out every horrible possibility so I can prepare for it. Its a self defense mechanism. Just like my talking retarded thing. "You guys are such weirdos". I dont really mean it. I mean it, but I dont. Its just. I sorta hate you all. For different reasons. Occasionally there is the name-calling, the emotional prying, the screaming, the chaos, the migranes, but most of all, I dislike my life and I compensate for it by hating yours. Its not justified (crap liyeri's gotten to my brain too) but its my coping mechanism for all the things wrong with my life which are (thank gosh) pretty few.
That poem I read at the poetry slam (um friday. Last friday. Sitting next to mattster and um...whats her name put me in an uncomfortable position. =_= and I helped him study for monday's test while christine and whats her name gossiped and i cried for my lack of a social life. Well, I cried internally so matt would never have the oppurtunity to see me cry AGAIN. Obviously, I dont like pple seeing me cry at all. Its freaky. I am a very strong headed person and I can take social remarks with minor emotional damage. I was knitting my troubles away which reminds me that I have to make a present for kristie. Yea, um. I forgot. I grouped her w/ james a couple tens of posts ago so yea. She is really bright and a good friend. Much more sincere than whats her face. So Imma make her a cute gift. TO SHOPPING. Well, back to the subject.) Wait. What was it again? Oh right. I wrote a hate poem and read it at the slam.
Ah. Good times. I dont like people telling me what to do every single day. Im such a goody-goody. I want to tear my fake face off because it is suffocating me internally but I cant or else that would cause a ruckus that may destroy my peppyness which doesnt exist in the first place so here is my question: What am I talking about?
I dont like being a dull person so I am peppy. I dont like being peppy (because it scares me to hug people and be cheery and bright) *pukes* so I am dull. I am at a constant tug of war internally which allows me to be NORMAL. A not normal pineapple would be... verry, verry badddd. Trust me. I will, for only one day, be normal, and then you will all feel the wrath of a crazily outgoing pineapple with no conscience for what she does so she might as well kill someone which she cannot do for manslaughter = life sentence or 60 years which I am not willing to do and manslaughter is INHUMANE. So I do not condone it. See how I map out my life?
The only thing I havent mapped out is if i should tell THE GUY <3 blah blah. Or if I should shut up for the rest of my life while he goes to a private school then USC and I got to blahpublicskoolbah and then HARVARD or someone ooverseas with cute guys so I will forget his face eventually and never remember him until we pass each other on a coincedence someday in NewYork on a rainy winter day in taxis in front of a grand hotel which we are both staying in on business trips and we will never know it. And I will never notice him and him, me. FairyTale End. How sweet. So should I tell or not. Considering I MIGHT see him again on winter break. So that might make it awkward.


How do you tell someone? You know what. Forget it. The calculator said no, so I give up. Seriously. Myagu.

Parents telling me 2 PIANO.
I CANT.
Agu. Gonna guitar or cello instead.
Ciao desu

-Pineapple

PS. DUCKIES RULE.